10 Reason I Hate my Kids

1. My car consistently reeks of rancid milk. So much for that new car smell.

2. Because of them, I'll never, ever, ever, get my flat stomach back. I know they're to blame 'cause they were the last ones in there.

3. In order to strap my toddler into his car seat, I have to use every ounce of my physical strength as if I'm subduing a psychotic mental patient. And I have the bites and scratches to prove it.

4. Because changing urine-soaked sheets and comforters when they've wet the bed isn't my idea of a good time. Just once I'd like to hear the sound of my washing machine NOT running.

5. When they spit rejected semi-masticated food into my hands.

6. When my toddler, mid-tantrum, drops to the sidewalk like dead-weight when I'm in a hurry. A walk generally turns into a drag.

7. Trying to pretend I give a sh*t about Pokémon.

8. If it weren't for them, I would never have to set foot in that demonic mouse palace known as Chuck E. Cheese.

9. My once beautiful couch, walls, and drapes are covered in peanut butter and fluorescent Play-Doh.

10. I used to really like to have sex--that's how I managed to pop out two kids in the first place. Now I'm so tired, I'd rather stick a fork in my eye.

From Mom Logic