Fucking Clown Bombs

Good morning you filthy animals



Welcome to the BuzzFeed nightmare machine

Ceiling Spiders

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFffffffffffffffffffffff

I don't have a "spider" tag? WTF, SPIDERS ARE TERRIFYING!

The Law is Not on Our Side.

So apparently the Judge presiding over the Watchmen dispute between Fox and WB decided that Fox does have the right to the movie. What does that mean? That means we are fucked, that means Fox will do anything they can to make sure we can derive no enjoyment from the movie what so ever, there is nothing Fox would love more then for the Watchmen movie to be burned to ashes, never to see the light of day.

How do I know this? I don't, but rumors has it that the people over at Fox worships corns on my feet and eats shit but doesn't die.

I don't know what is going on anymore, intellectual rights used to be about protecting the creator from exploitation, now it's just a big pissing match between persons of wealth.

Fuck it, I'm going to go burn the Fox studio to the ground. No I'm not, yes I am, maybe I will, or maybe this is a joke, hmmm...

Man, I keep forgetting this is my blog.

Blessed with a super short memory and a long term memory more akin to a frayed blanket then a sharp tool, I often visit this site first thing in the morning saying "MAN, I WONDER WHAT NEW STUFF IS UP!", completely forgetting that this is MY blog, that if I want some new stuff on this blog I would have to post it.

Yeah, sure, I can expect JR to post some new media, but for some odd reason he doesn't start contributing until the afternoons, it may have to do with that flask he carries around all the time.

Aaaaaaand in other news, EMPATHY BEAR!


Coming to an emo band near you!

Too Much Beef

HOLY CHRIST!

Deviant Art makes baby Jesus cry.

Extremem sports fails

Or, Stupid white people doing stupid white people things.

FAIL!


FAIL!


FAIL!


DOUBLE FAIL!


Uh.. Not fail at all. Good job dude!

That's it.

Fuck you, internet and TV, I've had enough of you, this election suspense is killing me. I had a night of drinking riding on this crap, and all all your coverage is just giving me horrible stomache gas. I am staying the fuck away from media coverage until Wednesday.

I'll see you guys Wednesday.

In other news, here is a picture of a man beating up a bear.


Looks like he is winning!

Good Night, Mars Phoenix.Lander

After five faithful months of service, NASA scientists have started the shutting down process of our intrepid little robotic observer, the Phoenix Lander. Originally scheduled to only operate for 90 days, the Phoenix Lander has impressed us with its tenacity and wowed the world over with newly discovered information about the Red Planet. Sadly, the northern hemisphere which the Lander resides will soon fall into a cold harsh winter, blanketing everything with CO2 ice, rendering the Lander incapable of operation. A "Lazarus Mode" built within the Lander will occasionally waken our robot scientist for the next few weeks for short bursts of data analysis and output, but the Lander has done its job and it outperformed any expectation. Someday, when human explorers arrive on Mars, we will recover the unit and preserve it as a monument for generations to come.

Here is an entry from the Mars Phoenix Twitter:

Many questions about next Martian summer and will I wake up? It is beyond expectations. But if it happens you'll be among the 1st to know

Maybe we'll hear from you next Martian Summer (May 2010), Phoenix Lander, god speed.

Space.com

You can read twitter entries from the Phoenix Lander here.

Vikings Were Actually Quite Prissy

From Telegraph:

They say that the Norse explorers, far from being obsessed with fighting and drinking, were a largely-peaceful race who were even criticised for being too hygienic.

The university's department of Anglo-Saxon, Norse and Celtic has published a guide revealing how much of the Vikings' history has been misrepresented.

They did not, in fact, wear horned or winged helmets. And they appear to have been a vain race who were concerned about their appearance.

"It seems that the Vikings may not have been as hairy and dirty as is commonly imagined," the guide says.

"A medieval chronicler, John of Wallingford, talking about the eleventh century, complained that the Danes were too clean - they combed their hair every day, washed every Saturday, and changed their clothes regularly."

I'm just going to sit at this corner, right here, and sob loudly into my arms.

Vikings preferred male grooming to pillaging

The Tesla Model S

I have been casually keeping an eye on Tesla, no not the sexual rock star scientist Nicola Tesla, I'm talking about the fully electric car maker. I've been interested in the Tesla Roadster (0 to 60 in under 4 seconds and built off a Lotus base) ever since I got wind of it. The whopping $100,000 price tag, however, dashed my hopes and dreams to pieces, rendering the Tesla Roadster as nothing more then mere pipe dreams.

Despite my dreams of a brighter future with me driving a super quiet speedster smearing unsuspecting pedestrians all over my bumper shattered against harsh fiscal reality, a small bird kept whispering the rumors of a more affordable 4-door sedan (that's a bit redundant, isn't it, aren't 2-door sedans really coupes?) to be out on the market by 2010 to my ears.

Well lo and behold, that rumor has born true, and this is the Tesla Model S.



A dashing, 4 door, 5 passenger luxury sedan able to go from 0 to 60 in 6 seconds that only costs a mere $60,000. Why, that's mere pocket change for the extreme wealthy, and still as equally unobtainable for me.

As disappointed as I am still unable to afford a Tesla, I love what they represent, though. The current trend of smart cars indicate a grim future, filled with toy cars no bigger then a Cracker Jack box, and they will be so woefully underpowered that you might as well get out of your car and walk. Sure, the environment is clean and pure and pretty and thanks you, but the trade off is that you, the driver, dies a little every time you step on your accelerator and your car whines to a top speed of congealing blood. Tesla stands in stark rebellion against that future. You CAN have a good looking fully electric car. You CAN have a powerful electric looking car. you CAN have your inner driver howl with delight. You CAN have all that, and not add on to your carbon footprint.

My hope is that in another 5 or so years there will be real, affordable, commercially viable, sexy Tesla sedans, and that I will be in one of them.

Woman Beheads Man, Then Parade it Through Streets.

As a man, I am constantly apologizing for the various foul and malicious deeds we are capable of against women. I approach random women frequently and apologize to them out right about things like "I'm sorry that that guy right there is capable of rape" as I point toward the nice gentleman who sits with his wife at the coffee shop.

I would also apologize about that man coming towards me with a knife, but mostly because he is capable of spilling my blood on her nice new dress.

I take that back, he isn't capable, he did spill my blood on her nice new dress.

But then I read this CNN story about a heart warming tale of a woman, an Indian woman, who chopped off a man's head and was parading the streets of the market.

Now, I can finally be at peace.

For you see, my friends, I no longer need to go up to various women folk and apologize to them for the various misdeeds perpetrated by men, no. Now, I just need to hand them a scythe and a nice pike, and they too can parade the streets with their own head on a stick!

I kind of lost the point... oh, right, you find out that after her arrest she explained the reasoning of the head removal was that the man attacked her from behind, and she chopped off his head in self defense.

Groovy.

Thanks Stacy.

10 Reason I Hate my Kids

1. My car consistently reeks of rancid milk. So much for that new car smell.

2. Because of them, I'll never, ever, ever, get my flat stomach back. I know they're to blame 'cause they were the last ones in there.

3. In order to strap my toddler into his car seat, I have to use every ounce of my physical strength as if I'm subduing a psychotic mental patient. And I have the bites and scratches to prove it.

4. Because changing urine-soaked sheets and comforters when they've wet the bed isn't my idea of a good time. Just once I'd like to hear the sound of my washing machine NOT running.

5. When they spit rejected semi-masticated food into my hands.

6. When my toddler, mid-tantrum, drops to the sidewalk like dead-weight when I'm in a hurry. A walk generally turns into a drag.

7. Trying to pretend I give a sh*t about Pokémon.

8. If it weren't for them, I would never have to set foot in that demonic mouse palace known as Chuck E. Cheese.

9. My once beautiful couch, walls, and drapes are covered in peanut butter and fluorescent Play-Doh.

10. I used to really like to have sex--that's how I managed to pop out two kids in the first place. Now I'm so tired, I'd rather stick a fork in my eye.

From Mom Logic

Our Financial Future is Secure.

At least he has a nice suit, then again, when you work on Wall Street and has a bank account of this amount:

It's hard to not look good while plummetting the national economy through careless mortgage lending.

per Consumerist:

this ATM receipt a reader's coworker found sitting in a Wall Street ATM with a balance of $97,084.23 shows there's at least one person who is going to be okay. Plus, this guy knows what he's doing; note how the balance is just under the $100,000 limit for full FDIC coverage.

AAAAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA we are so fucked...

Arctic scientists discover new global

warming threat as melting permafrost

releases millions of tons of a gas 20 times

more damaging than carbon dioxide

(The Independent)

In the past few days, the researchers have seen areas of sea foaming with gas bubbling up through "methane chimneys" rising from the sea floor. They believe that the sub-sea layer of permafrost, which has acted like a "lid" to prevent the gas from escaping, has melted away to allow methane to rise from underground deposits formed before the last ice age.

They have warned that this is likely to be linked with the rapid warming that the region has experienced in recent years.

Methane is about 20 times more powerful as a greenhouse gas than carbon dioxide and many scientists fear that its release could accelerate global warming in a giant positive feedback where more atmospheric methane causes higher temperatures, leading to further permafrost melting and the release of yet more methane.

If you are interested about how we may be able to avert from the disasterous Kevin Costner movie Waterworld, there is a discussion happening in World Changing Blog. They are mostly talking about the pros and cons of geoengineering, and the first thing we should do, regardless of the possiblity of manually removing greenhouse gas or blocking out the sun, is to advance to Zero Impact, now.

I'm just gonna go work on my tan and mentally will myself some gills.

Stacy is trying to scare the shit out of me.

So I looked in my inbox a few days ago and found the following images from Stacy:



A lettuce head and scary crazy skinless robot face, I think I may have cried tears of pure unadulturated fear for 3 hours.

But you can't outscare a shitter!



Crap I just shit all over myself, and not, that's not a pun.

Senate Hearing on Wall Street Bailout: Fail

Stolen from Denver Post

It would be a shame if the firms fail and people lose jobs and actual real sustainable loans become impossible to obtain due to draconian institutions desperately hiss at anyone coming close to what little actual funds they have, but I genuinely don't have any idea what this Bailout plan really involves.

The more I hear of it it sounds more like "here's a giant pile of cash, now, Treasury Secretary Nazi-Frankenstein, feel free to do whatever you want with it and no worries, we'll never ask you what you did with it because we wrote it in the law saying that we can't review any of the treasury secretary nazi-frankenstein's decision."




I mean, this doesn't feel the same as the Federal Reserve buying and owning 80% of AIG or the government taking control of Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, this is, from the sound of it, a literal plea for a giant pool of money for them to do as they wish.

Is that what the bailout plan is?

I'm Not Going to Post Anything Else Today.

See you guys Thursday!

Say it to his face

Go ahead, do it.... pussy.

Suicidal fruit

Link.

Go ahead, touch my cookies

I dare you.