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XKCD imagines a better world where all I have to do is sit around and browse 4chan until I cry big wet sobby tears of oracular rape, which isn't quite the same as irrumation but going to 4chan is about the same thing.
Or: I'm lying I wish I'm wasting time at work CURSE THIS "JOBLESS RECOVERY"!
Benny was arrested three times for drug related offenses and possible inappropriate behavior towards horses.
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