Oh Hey Well What The Hell Happened Here?

It's been a while since I've posted anything, and I'm not super sad to say... I don't really miss it. Anyway, this is just a quick announcement to kind of get things kicked back into gear. I'm not super happy with my free photo hosts and I may end up switching blog (or incorporate other styles of blogs) while messing around with features.

There are basically two things you will know:
1) updates will be super infrequent
2) whenever I'm updating, I'll probably be drunk.

And now here are two pictures I found on 4chan, which is still a horrible seething mess of horror that delights the cockles of my being while sets on fire anything and anyone that I've ever loved:

Exhibit 1) A Clean Toilet:

Just be glad the bubbles are clean.

Exhibit 2) WTF is going on?

I can't explain this even if you strangle my puppy, so please stop strangling my puppy.

People think trawling through internet looking for pictures and videos of amusement is easy, yeah, sure it's easy, if you want to turn an amusing hobby into soul searing god damn work.

Texans can't drive

At least not when it is icy, or rainy, or even really humid for that matter.

OH JESUS WHY?

TEENAGE. MUTANT. NINJA. TURTLES. DO. NOT. POLE. DANCE.

This is Another Reason Why I Don't Wish to be a Landlord

This has nothing to do with the Hurricane. We had a resident who had an outstanding balance for over a month and no one could get ahold of her. The Bookkeeper went inside after so many tries to leave a note and this is what we found:

More Pictures Here

In the Future, we'll take bath/showers like fuckstains and eat babies for breakfast.

It's unavoidable, shit that pisses you off, they are completely unavoidable. The more you stay on the internet, the higher the chances that you will stumble across something that burns you in the midst of your core and incense every fiber of hate you can muster.

A few things annoyed me this week, first it's IT telling me I can't use firefox anymore, then it's the dog crapping in my apartment, and now, finally, this monstrosity of a durian-laden shit-farmer some sweaty-nutsack-hack designer who lives by taking-candies-from-children and puts-testicles-on-old-ladies-just-so-he-can-kick-them-in-the-crotch calls "future of bathing/showering".




"What in god's name were you thinking when you thought of this absolute waste of human effort?" I'd ask.

"Well, I was inhaling cat piss, rubbing genital herpes into my tear ducts, and bathing myself with urinal water when I thought about how wonderful it would be if the urinal is upside down, then I'd be able to stand underneath as showers of gum, piss, and stale-cigarette-butts buffets my figure of masculinity. Then I thought how wonderful it would be if the urinal is large enough for me to lie in, how relaxing it would be to lounge around with my favorite things!" The designer would say, as he lies in his tub full of 100% Cambodian Whore's Breast Milk while cutting himself and covers those cuts with coal dust.

God I hate this world, and I miss firefox...

Reinventin the Bathroom: Bath + Shower by Ron Arad

Two picture examples of excessiveness.

This guy has too much and wants to show it off.


This guy has none, but still wanna show off.

Fox News gave up trying...

The only reason I would still watch FOX news is because sooner or later they'll create a program that superimposes a turban and an AK over any footage of Obama.

Why do people keep on figuring out new ways to make me cry?

WRRRRRYYYYY?

Mostly stolen from Funtasticus

what?

We may need to clear something up...

Read the title.


Now check out the author.


a PSA


not to knock on you eye-patched, metallic stuff wearing people, but you stopped looking like a pirate the moment you start looking creepy.

Images from randompictures (may be NSFW)

Cosmo shows you 5 signs men are capable of rape.

I god damn kid you not.


I would have expected some sort of physical signs (shiftiness, has a knife) that a man is capable of rape, but seriously, I'd imagine most man is capable of rape just on the basis that they have a penis. Fortunately, Cosmo points out the actual signs you should look for in case you have reservations that the man you know is incapable of rape (commentary offered by ludickid:

1. He carefully plans his attacks

"...and tennis, sometimes hiking, and curling up with a good silly movie. How about you?"

"Carefully planning my attacks."

2. He is likely a serial rapist

Well, I'll give them that. Being a serial rapist is a pretty good sign that a guy is capable of rape.

And if they ARE a serial rapist, how are you to find out?
"Hey Chad, what have you been up to?"
"Raping."

3. He holds stereotypical view of men and women

That would include 95% of the population of the planet, including everyone who reads or writes for Cosmo.

4. He uses alcohol and/or drugs as a tool

Alcohol and drugs, of course, should only be used as entertainments, and never for practical effect. I'm just sorry this didn't say "He uses alcohol and drugs and is a tool."

I'm not really too sure about this "tool" business, do they mean that I would repair a broken manifold with vodka and ecstasy?

5. He uses psychological domination more than brute force

This is the only one that even remotely approaches good, useful advice, and it's still pretty stupid. It's nice to know that Cosmo still sucks as much as it did the last time I actually opened one up, around 1986 or so.

Now that the fervor's died down.

I happen to live in a timezone about 2 weeks behind the news versus the general populace (hence my desperate need to always be online, trying to keep up), but when I first came across the Miley Cyrus scandal I really thought it was a none issue. Imagine my surprise, 2 weeks later, doing some random research, to discover that this is the reason everybody was in an uproar:


They are angry that she looks "sexy"? dude, there's nothing sexy about that picture. In fact, a great point I hear is that "if a paparazzi snap a shot of her on the beach wearing a bikini, she would be showing more skin then she would at that picture."

Dude, her dad was there to supervise, we don't need media watchdogs to tell us what we should think that a picture should look like. And frankly speaking, I'd be more worried about why my daughter end up looking like a crack whore all strung out and looking for her next hit then I would about the "supposed imagery" this shot conveys.

Actually, if I'm Billy Ray Cyrus, I'd be more worried about how much a douchebag I look now, examples:

Billy Ray Cyrus, when he first got big:

Ok, so he looks a big douche-baggery here, with his fist raising proudly in the air in some strange salute to... god knows what, but the mullet's popular back then with the crowd he's appealing to, so I don't have anything against that.

Billy Ray Cyrus, years later:

Here we see Billy Ray attempting to be some sort of Mountain Man Vet on some TV series, his decidedly masculine look brought out by manly beard growth, this is the Billy Ray Cyrus that I wouldn't mind having a beer and then has manly rounds of paddling waitI'mnotagayfratboy!

Billy Ray Cyrus now:

Douche Bag. He has adopted the Douche Bag hair, the Douche Bag look, and worst of all, the Douche Bag Soul Patch, dude, if even Jack Black can't pull the look off, you, King Douche Bag of Nashvilleton wouldn't even HOPE to be able to look remotely none-douche-baggery!

At least he's not trying to hide what he is anymore, god damn douche bag.